Advice To My 18 Year Old Self

I’ve been wanting to write a post like this for awhile now. Then Timehop reminded me that 10 years ago today was my prom. Damn, I feel old now.

Looking back at those pictures I feel a slight ache for that girl who I was 10 years ago. Incredibly insecure. Self-conscious. Felt like I didn’t fit in in suburbia.

High school wasn’t easy for me.

I was so so so awkward. And uncomfortable in my skin.

It took me until the end of junior year to find my core group of friends. I spent much of high school dreaming of my escape: college far, far away from the suburban town where I grew up. A place where I could recreate myself.

I’d look to my older brother’s high school experience as if it was a blueprint for my own. Why didn’t I have a huge, loyal group of friends from various cliques? Why wasn’t I in a relationship? Why didn’t I have fun plans every Friday and Saturday.

I used to think it was just me who struggled through high school. That everyone else was having a blast. More recently I’ve reconnected and bonded with a few people I was only sort of friendly with in high school. People who I thought had that perfect social life in high school. Turns out they didn’t. And they shared a lot of the feelings I had about those four years.

I won’t pretend I’m oh so wise now at age 28. I’m definitely not and I’m sure 38 year old me will have tons of advice for current me. But there’s still so many things I wish I could tell my younger, more awkward, self:

 

I Wish I Could Tell My 18 Year Old Self…

A boyfriend will not bring you happiness. But happiness will bring you a boyfriend.

Having a boyfriend won’t make all your other problems suddenly go away. It won’t suddenly erase your flaws and insecurities. And it definitely won’t be the key to happiness.

But finding that happiness in yourself and radiating that happiness? That will make you so freaking attractive. And likable. And that will bring you the boyfriend.

 

You don’t have to have it all figured out.

I know you want to have a perfectly laid out plan and stick to that plan, but it’s not how life works. Instead lead with your gut. Take opportunities as they arise, even if they weren’t part of your plan. And trust that things are happening for a reason.

Experiment, in all senses.

This doesn’t mean do anything stupid, dangerous or illegal, but it does involve stepping out of your comfort zone. Go on that once-in-a-lifetime trip. Eat new foods. Date more guys. Try BDSM (if you want). Adding some spice to your life can be healthy, so even if something seems wild, just go for it!
 

Be open to possibilities.

I know right now you can’t imagine majoring in anything but theater. Adding a minor feels like you’re admitting you’re going to fail as an actor. But be open to possibilities. Exploring other passions. And not defining yourself as solely an actor. You have a lot to offer this world.

 

Start doing yoga, ASAP.

It will change your life.

 

Your weirdness, your passion, your energy, it’s what makes you unique.

You are so freaking weird, Kayla. And that’s okay. These things that one time made you feel “different” are now the things that set you apart. Continue to be your quirky, creative, musical theater loving self.

 

Other people do not define your self worth.

Your self worth is not defined by what some teacher thinks of you. It’s not defined by what your crush thinks of you. And it’s definitely not defined by what some mean girls think of you. You are so worthy.

 

High school is one small fraction of life.

Those four years will feel like an eternity. It will sometimes feel like you’ll never graduate and make it to college. But it’s really only one small fraction of your life.

Things that one time seemed SO important: who you take to prom, your GPA, what electives you take, your SAT score, will seem so trivial in the long run. And news flash, no one gives a fuck that you bombed the SAT. Not even NYU.

 

You’re lactose intolerant.

I say this, half joking, but also thinking about how many belly aches could have been avoided if I would have known I was lactose intolerant. I spent my entire freshman year of college in a haze of nausea which I blamed on being anxious all the time. I’m sure some of it was the anxiety, but I also think it was all those non-fat chai lattes I was gulping down before class.

Your turn: What advice do you wish you could give your 18 year old self?