Jeremy and I have been together since my senior year of college. We’re in a “semi-long distance relationship” as I like to think of it. I’m in NYC, he lives an hour north of here in the town where we both grew up. Because of this most of our time spent together is on the weekends.
When we met, I was just beginning my fitness journey and hadn’t yet started this here blog. He probably didn’t realize what he was getting himself into. Whoops.
Since then, I created this fitness blog, became a certified personal trainer, completed yoga teacher training, and ran my first 5K, half marathon and eventually marathon. And he’s been with me every step of the way, cheering me on.
On the flip side, though, he’s not as passionate about working out or fitness as I am. We never, ever workout together. In fact he rarely works out. He did, however take his first yoga class since high school (!!) at last weekend’s Holistic Happening event taught by yours truly.
Ultimately, it doesn’t bother me.
Despite the fact that Jeremy isn’t into fitness, I haven’t let that stop me from achieving my own fitness goals and maintaining my own fitness regimen.
What to do if you’re into fitness… but your partner isn’t
✨ If you want to squeeze in a workout: Workout before they wakes up.
Granted, I’m an AM exerciser either way, but when he’s here for the weekend, I always work out first thing in the morning. By the time I get home he’s just waking up and I’ve worked up an appetite for brunch. Win, win.
✨ We walk. A lot.
I might not ever get Jeremy to take a SoulCycle class, but I can get him to go on long walks with me. It’s a bit trickier during the winter, but in the summer we do a TON of walking together.
✨ I focus on what we do have in common.
Instead of harping on the fact that Jeremy and I don’t share a love of fitness and can’t enjoy that quality time together, I choose to focus on the things we have in common. We both have a similar sense of humor when it comes to TV shows. It’s pretty easy to find a new show on Netflix to get hooked on. We also share a number of the same favorite bands.
And maybe most important to me, he enjoys theater. I can handle dating someone that doesn’t share my love for fitness, but enjoys theater is a must! I’ll argue he loves Hamilton even more than I do, which is saying A LOT.
✨ The most important thing: he supports what I’m doing.
Training for a marathon last summer definitely affected our relationship. I was cranky and tired all the time and had to change my diet around.
While I wasn’t the most pleasant person to be around during those 18-weeks, Jeremy was also my number one cheerleader, tied with my parents, of course. He’d text me throughout my long runs with words of encouragement.
During the actual marathon he was there with my parents chasing me around the city. And afterwards he stuck around to make sure I didn’t fall in the shower, and went out to dinner with me when I was the most miserable human being, ever.
All of this is to say he 100% supported my decision to run a marathon, and gave me the support I needed every step of the way. I know it wasn’t the most pleasant 18-weeks to be my boyfriend, but he understood this was important to me and didn’t care.
Your turn: is your significant other into fitness?
Stephen doesn’t work out ever but he understands that I need to get my workouts/runs in. I think as long as the support is there. He comes to my races, makes sure I stay hydrated and will text me during long runs to make sure I’m ok. I workout in the morning to get it out of the way to make time for him and our relationship. It’s about balance and support for us… sounds the same for you two. 💗
I totally thought about you and Stephen too, I don’t think either of us could handle someone equally as into fitness.
I can relate! I definitely focus on the good parts of having a non-fitness-obsessed partner, like he will always be my cheer support in races and will have hot coffee waiting for me after training sessions. Agree completely that you don’t need a partner who is as into fitness just as long as they support you and understand why it’s so important to you. Matt’s somewhat into fitness though and I’m working my magic to try and get him to sign up for a half with me later this year. Wish me luck!
Jeremy wants to do a 5K with me… but only because it’s at this brewery he loves. Baby steps. ha
OMG!!! This is my life. Except replace your boyfriend with my husband. Well, he didn’t always used to be this way, but along the way his job took all his focus and he just couldn’t find the time.
But he definitely supports me. And that’s the most important thing
It can be tricky when work takes over! Support is definitely the most important thing
I absolutely love this and you and Jeremy! Ryan and I only worked out together 5 times in our 10 year relationship. And I’m happy leaving it at that!
We’re like 1 for 5 years, not counting yoga hahaha.
My husband isn’t into fitness either. It used to frustrate me because I felt like it was a big thing to not have in common But while he doesn’t support me in running alongside me in races, he always shows up and supports me from the sideline which is way more important. Same as you, I get my workouts in before he wakes up so it doesn’t take away from our time together, and if he happens to wake up when I’m getting ready for the gym, he’s now willing to come with me.
I couldn’t agree more, I feel like support is the most important part. And that’s great that he’s now willing to go with you to the gym! That’s something!
Thanks for sharing this. I’m in the same struggle, but it’s taking a toll. I caught him sneak smoking behind my back and he’s been gaining a lot of weight. I’m not so terribly bothered by the weight, but we can’t enjoy things together. Our sex-life is non-existent since his weight gain ( about 20lbs in the past year). I knew him years ago when he was doing triathlons and cycling and now that we are together, I kinda feel like I was deceived. He is not motivated and I’m feeling resentful that when we do cycle together, it’s sooooo slow.
I’ve worked in fitness a long long time. I just love it. I’m not obsessed, but it’s my lifestyle. I wish I could encourage him, but he just isn’t interested. I get up early every day and do my workout before he wakes up, but I want to bike and stuff together in the weekends. He’s a great guy and we have a nice home and everything. He’s a good person, but I find myself getting frustrated. I try to focus on the many positives he has, he’s loyal, supports my passion, he’s honest, funny…but I’m tired of doing everything alone.
Thank you for this articles and to everyone for their comments.
I have always been big into working out, and while my partner is not, that is totally fine with me. He is supportive of me and all. But since we are quarantining together, the energy of his home does not inspire me. He goes into the other room, like he is right now, on a work meeting and will come out later or when I tap on the door.
But he says things like “have a fun workout!” and while I know they are with the best of intentions, and since I walk my dogs to give him an hour or so to have his time alone, I will get my Spotify playlist qued up with pumping songs, and then as I walk back into his place, its as if how I am approaching my workouts is silly, like I am too serious about them. He never says that, but it is how I feel, because he is so casual. I guess I am so used to being alone and then finding someone who is amazing, and gives me my time alone (I need a lot), it is still hard for me to cohabitate after 3 years of not dating at all.
Do you have any words of wisdom I can give myself to keep myself in my workout zone?
Hi Katherine!
I know adjusting to at-home workouts is so challenging in general, but I can imagine it’s that much harder to feel motivated if you’re going through this with someone else. Know that just because your partner is casual about working out doesn’t mean he thinks it’s silly that it’s important to you.
My biggest piece of advice with working out right now, in general, is to give yourself grace. I know for me I haven’t felt the motivation to do full hour workouts, but shorter workouts have been my sweet spot to still get my body moving for my own sanity.
Hope this helps!